Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize