i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
