She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
BRING THE BAGELS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
