First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
