It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
