Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
