Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
