My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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