I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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