Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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