come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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