Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
