yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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