dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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