But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cockslap morals
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
