One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
