hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
