can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
