I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
