why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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