I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
