She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
