he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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