We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
