New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
