i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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