Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
