Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
