Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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