I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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