He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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