I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
