So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize