a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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