so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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