Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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