I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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