your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
