She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
ok first of all what the fuck
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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