It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
