Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
