Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
