Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
