I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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