If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
