I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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