Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
