u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Randomize
