Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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