I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
