we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
