you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize