break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
