Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize