You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
