He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
