I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
