We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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