I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
