I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
