While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize