You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
