Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
