How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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