Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
