This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize