so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
