Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
