He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
