I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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