isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize