why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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