Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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