Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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