Just fell off a train. Bad.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
its liver damage thursday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
